How the World is Unfair

While some women never look like they had a baby, others dorn their battle scars around the tummy. We have to wear badges of honor instead of bikinis and wear makeup to hide the uneven skin tone due to lack of sleep or stress. Our boobies... read my previous post, Raisins... while men, they grow them too but do so indulging on good food. And how come they don't care they have boobies?! Let me say it loud, MEN SHOULD NOT HAVE BOOBIES. Man up and get on that treadmill! We women, we run and jump, stretch and plie (the ballet term but I don't know how to add that little mark over the e), crunch and push to get that rockstar body society tells us we're supposed to have. We even smile to act like life is good and we love our children no matter how much they spit in our face and throw their food.

Back to men and boobies, why can't the ones that have some extra fat tissue in the breasts nurse their little ones? I mean, really, hasn't the inequality gone on for too long??! If you have 'em, you should put good use to them because your t-shirts aren't doin' you enough justice.

And True Religion jeans cost $300+?! Or, ANY jean for that matter? I thougth $100+ was pushin' it but apparently even $200 is quite normal these days. Add on to that, try finding one that fits you perfectly! Is it just me or are retail shops making clothes bigger and bigger but labeling them smaller and x-small? Am I just shrinking or are we inflating egoes? I feel like I'm a good size, definitely more than skin and bones yet I'm having trouble swimming out of x-small and size 24. We should just all grow up and own up to our size so that retailers don't have to conduct a false sense of "beautiful." Plus, skinny is not beautiful! Healthy is.

Mommy Guilt is another huge "how the world is unfair". I might be able to accept that this is just a part of being a partent ONLY IF men felt the same way too. You work and feel guilty for not spending time with your kids, raising them the "good ol' fashioned way". You don't work but then feel guilty for not contributing to the household income, especially when you are out with food on your shirt, sweat on your brow,unwashed hair in a ponytail while toting an equally messing looking infant/toddler buying groceries. Did you know baby good has gone up in price? So has most everything at your grocery store! So it's not fair to look at the credit card statement every month to see how much this non-contributor spends because really, we're buying diapers and sandpails (for our dream vacation we only hope to take), mushrooms and lasagna noodles, all so that MEN keep growin' their boobies.

Ok, so occassionally I buy a few shirts and jeans but if you don't want me to walk around naked, I need to. You see, I just had a baby and my body just didn't go back the way it was before. Somehow my shirts got shorter, my well-worn jeans sag where my butt used to be, and my sky high heels.... are no longer part of my vocabulary.

Then the stay at home mom screams for a break since her job is 24/7 but then is daycare or a nanny/help a viable option? First, you have to marry rich which is not that easy in this economy, not to mention it's frowned upon in our society. And you'll be judged for sending your nearly 1 year old to daycare... scratch that, let's call is preschool so it sounds better.. so that you can have the occasional latte without interruption, soak up some sun pretending you are childless and possibly husbandless, or to take a mindless midday nap. Meanwhile on other days, you are scrubbing toilets, dropping off shirts at the cleaners, picking up your alterations, buying more groceries from the several grocery stores where you know you get the best price on x and y. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, I say daycare/preschool is the modern village. We are no longer lucky (or maybe we are) to live in a hut with all our aunts and uncles scavenging for food; no one else will watch your baby unless you pay them--be it love or cash, it's no refund no exchange.

The Mommy Uniform

I swear there's this secret cult of mommies everywhere that make it look like they have it all together. [But it's not really a secret because they're easy to spot.] In my area, they wear the uniform. It usually consists of a Juicy tracksuit or some other type of exercise wear (but they do really exercise??) like yoga pants, a sleek sneaker like pumas--nothing bulky basically, a designer handbag, shades and/or a baseball cap (but not for an athletic team of course). A good number of them also sport nice jewelry--bigger the better and shinier is best. I secretly aspire to be a part of this cult.. I'm just waiting to be initiated.

My real topic though is the face and the "uniform" I choose to wear daily. I'm not a makeup pro by any means so I don't often takes risks or do anything edgy. Instead, I find what works for me and pretty much stick to it until I find something better. I'm sure any makeup artist will agree (or will they?)... since the skin is the canvas for your makeup, you need to take care of it first. Instead of investing in nice makeup, I'd invest in some solid skincare. As you can tell, I'm all about cult followings. I proudly use La Mer serum and cream for the face, Guerlain eye serum and La Prairie eye cream currently. [I'm on the lookout for something new though and welcome any suggestions.] Yes, a bit pricey in the beginning but really, these products last a long time and every now and then if you get so lucky, you can get a deal on them! [Saks has Friends and Family starting THIS Thursday, April 16, and cosmetics are 15% off. I'm headed there today to put some things on pre-sale! **that's how serious i am**]

For makeup, I have a pretty standard ritual: I mix a dollop of Neutrogena's Dry Touch Sunscreen, spf 70, Revlon's Skin Brightener (it's like an illuminator that I think is sadly discontinued), and Laura Mercier's Oil-Free Tinted Moisturizer. It applies pretty sheer but you can adjust the proportions to give the coverage you like. Next, I use Makeup Forever's eye concealer under my eyes and a little on top then set it all with Laura Mercier's Loose Mineral Powder. Blush is next and I use NARS Orgasm; and really, I've found it's in the technique of application and the tool you use that's really key. I used to brush it over my entire cheek and... not.a.good.look. You end up looking chubbier that way in my opinion. Just a dab on that round little circle near the highest point of your cheek looks best (is that called the apple??). I line my upper lid (right under your lashes) with Chanel's waterproof pencil [I'm also on the lookout for a cheaper version of this.] and finish it off with Too Faced's Lash Injection-Precision. I really like Fiberwig too though and am going to switch back once this tube is gone.

Overall, it creates an effortless look--not too done up or the *gasp* frumpy look. I also carry with me about 2 different lipglosses and use them when I remember. The above might sound intense but if you, like me, aspire to be in this cult.... well, no pain no gain is all I have to say.

My latest indulgence

Okay, yesterday was a bit dark... chocolate, no? Mucho sorries.

I have to admit I have a bit of a sweet tooth, thanks to Daddy Hwang. He downs pints of Haagen Daz in a sitting, 5+ popsicles in a matter of a couple hours.... it's serious, fo' real. I was strolling in Papa Joe's (my neighborhood grocery store that's a bit upscale?) and while I walked past the chicken schwarma, hummus, and pita chips, I saw heaven. It was like the sky split open and shed light on these four little squares trapped in a clear white box sceaming, EAT ME!

I took it home and with one bite, I couldn't resist bite after bite after bite. I have no idea how many calories are in one but I'm sure it's more than a meal. But I have no regrets. Heaven tasted divine. OH YEAH, IT'S CALLED BAKLAVA! ;)

And here's my little love bird:

Motherhood at its... worst?

I wonder what it takes to be a good mom... scratch that, a GREAT mom. Is it working hard to provide the extra things you wished you had when you were young or to send them to that great school? Is it being home to shower them with love, plan activities, and be their chauffeur? Or, maybe just praying on your knees to ask God to mold them to be His? OR, maybe you have to learn to balance all of those things and do what's *best* for you and your family. But seriously, how do you do that without facing judgement from everyone else around you?

Because there are moments when you know you're not a good mom. You do what you need to do to take care of your baby's physical needs but you wonder if you're tending to their emotional or spiritual needs. Sometimes, you don't have it in you to show any affection because you're too busy being overwhelmed. You put them down a bit early for their naps just so you can get some rest too... you might even let them stay in a crib a bit longer so you get an extra 5 minutes!

It gets worse because there's no way to really judge if you're doing a bad job that day or not. If you're blessed with a baby like mine, she smiles back anyway. She happily plays with her toys while you worry if she'll be in therapy 20 years later describing her childhood. She hums and sings to herself while she plays, dancing around while you look lifeless and just plain shitty. Though it seems like life kinda sucks, your babe... she is content and happy. You just constantly second-guess yourself and your decisions; everyone has an opinion on what you're doing--especially your parents and your husband.

How do those happy babies grow up to be so grumpy, frustrated, and unhappy? Gawd, I'd kill to be a great mom--the best mom--but right now, I'm just trying not to be the worst mom. I want my child to be full of life and joy, bright faced, enjoying all of her blessings. I want her to know God, accept Him as her Savior, live to her fullest and always do her best. Yet, how will she learn that if I struggle to be her example?

I wonder if this hodge podge of questions are what every mother wrestles through. Or if just the crappy ones do. Why do celebrities look like they have it all figured out? And the people on tv and magazines? Why do they always say they're so blessed to be doing what they're doing? I mean, they even have the right sunglasses and handbags, do they have to have the perfect family life too?!